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Talk:Gordon Shumway
Clean Up - Use this but clean up but make it more readible. Phillip B. (talk) 01:33, 19 January 2007 (UTC) Before landing on our planet, he spent more than a dozen years as an orbit guard. Other previous occupations include Assistant Boxleitner and part-time male model. At one time he even owned and operated his own Phlegm dealership. (The Phlegm 220 was a classic sports car.) ALF's father's name was Bob. His friends call him B.O. for short. Bob has a wonderful sense of humor and does a brilliant impression of Feta cheese. ALF failed as a "stand-up" comedian, so he invented "sit-down" comedy. He often remarked, "It's not easy being funny on your feet." During ALF's brief career as a sit down comedian, he wrote the famous joke, "You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't find a word to rhyme with "orange." ALF left the world of professional comedy to join the world of professional sports. At the age of 193, he became a leg hugger on a bouillabaseball team. Bouillabaseball is played almost the same as baseball, except that fish parts are used instead of bats and balls. On very hot days all players must wear nose plugs. Nine years ago, ALF was called to serve in the Orbit Guard, A cross between our National Guard and the Vienna Boys Choir. When he was very young, ALF broke his arm by falling out of a tree while raking leaves. (No one said Melmacians were smart.) ALF owned a pet vespa (A 3-legged dog) named Stinky. Vespas are a lot cheaper to own than Earth dogs because you only have to buy them 3 tennis sneakers. ALF's brother Curtis, aspires to play in the rock band called "The Soggy Moose." Their only top-10 hit was, "I Want to Brush Your Teeth With A Flounder." ALF flew through space for months looking for a new home. He stopped only once to pick up a warm soda and a cheesedog on Saturn. ALF told the Tanners not to worry, he loved cats...Especially with a side order of french fries. When Kate complained that ALF was always shedding on the furniture, ALF invented a fur-covered couch so no one would be able to tell. It didn't go over well, so ALF shaved the couch to make it look normal. It seems every time the Tanners leave ALF alone in the house, he comes up with a new way to get in trouble. Last time he soldered all of Willie's socks together. As A favor, ALF once painted the Tanners's meatloaf blue. He thought it would make it more appetizing. ALF once mowed the Tanner's living room carpet trying to find a corn chip he dropped. Much to his surprise, the corn chip was stuck in his nostril. ALF once invented toothpaste that glows in the dark. He figured they didn't have to turn on the lights to brush. The first time he tried it, he tripped and fell into the bathtub. One day ALF decided to teach Brian some of Melmac's customs. No one was amused when Brian coated the cat with peanut butter. One night, when he forgot his keys Willie had to break into the house. Thinking there was a burglar, ALF hit Willie about the head and neck with a block of lard.Most Melmacians are ten years old before they can hum.